


Entangle Me

by jacquie_bebop



Series: Unravel Me [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 | Luciel Choi's Real Name, 707 | Luciel Choi's Route, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Continuation of Unravel Me, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Jumin Han's Route, Multi, Reset Theory (Mystic Messenger), Smut, Spoilers, Spoilers for 707's Route, Spoilers for Jumin's Route, Woops, You should probably read that first, if you haven't, more angst than my body can handle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:54:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11706291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquie_bebop/pseuds/jacquie_bebop
Summary: **If you haven't read Unravel Me, this probably won't make much sense, as it's a continuation/alternate version of that story.**You finished all the routes and finally got your happy ending.But then why can't you just let go?This is an alternate ending to my previous fic, where you make a different choice.





	1. I Found*

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh hey all!
> 
> I've been writing this for longer than I care to admit and the reason it takes so long is because it PHYSICALLY PAINS ME OMG WHY AM I LIKE THIS.
> 
> Anyway, like I promised - here's if you made a different choice at the end of Chapter 7 (I Found) in Unravel Me.
> 
> This chapter is essentially just a retelling of Chapter 7 with a different ending - there isn't much else that's changed content wise. Things begin to change dramatically in the next chapter, but this set up needed to be made. Enjoy!

You’re the first to wake this time, the anxiety like butterfly wings in your stomach rousing you before the early morning glow flashes in your eyes.

Today was the day. Everything would change today, regardless if you were ready or not.

You were, decidedly, not ready.

You pull your arms above your head, stretching with a sigh before you roll over and take in Jumin’s sleeping form.

_God, he’s so handsome._

His mussed midnight strands hang in front of his closed eyes, soft breaths falling from slightly pursed lips, his chest gently rising and falling. He looked completely and totally at peace, even if it was just for that moment.

Before you realized what you were doing, a finger reached out to trace his jaw gently, the need to touch his skin stronger than your desire to let him sleep. His skin was warm and soft, unmarred porcelain except for where the pale purple love bites begin on the thick column of his neck.

You sigh, pulling your hand away, rolling over to get out of bed. Jumin’s penthouse boasted one of the deepest, biggest tubs you have ever laid eyes on, and you couldn’t think of a better way to clear your head then to take a nice long soak.

Before heading to the bathroom, you pause at the nightstand, hesitating briefly before opening the drawer and taking out your forgotten cell phone as quietly as possible, as to not wake sleeping beauty beside you.

You turn it on swiftly as you pad into the bathroom, undressing while it booted up. It was an unspoken agreement that you both would remain disconnected this weekend, not wanting to be distracted during your short time together. Now that the weekend was over, curiosity was taking over and you decided to check the messenger while the tub filled with steamy water.

With the majority of the RFA being off the grid this weekend, the chat room was mostly filled with Yoosung and Zen; the former complaining about school and LOLOL server maintenance, and the latter bragging about his new gig in between posting new selfies he had taken.

Some things never change.

Leaving the chatroom, your eyes are immediately drawn to the fact that you have one unanswered text message, the screen showing the smiling face of your boyfriend in the contact picture as you click it to open.

_I love you so much, MC._

Your heart swells as you read the words, the pressure in your ribcage so intense it makes you catch your breath.

 _I'm hurting everyone I care about,_ you say to yourself, the realization burning its way up your throat.

You set the phone down on the tiled ledge around the tub before turning off the faucet, the deep tub finally filled to the brim with soapy scorching water, just the way you like it. You brace yourself on either side, slowly lowering your body into the heat, a slight moan escaping your lips as you sink into the tub.

You sigh, leaning your head back into the awaiting headrest, eyes closing automatically, your thoughts racing in endless loops.

Another unspoken rule of the weekend was that you were supposed to keep an open mind, and at the end of it all, make a decision. The ultimate decision. Neither man had mentioned this; it was something you knew to be true the minute this little arrangement was explained briefly that first night in Jumin’s kitchen.

You knew Saeyoung well, what could you say. That sweet, dorky, masochist. While he wouldn’t want to give you up, he would also put your happiness first.  _Always._  He would rather put himself through the pain of losing you then ever think he was causing you even the slightest discomfort, regardless if that meant you ended up by Jumin’s side and not his own. Having the treatment set in place for Jumin was Saeyoung’s security blanket, to make it seem he knew that you’d return this whole time. But you knew that his insecurities were probably rearing their ugly heads, invading Saeyoung’s brain like a cancer that you usually kept snubbed out for him.

You could practically hear the words he’d be telling himself – the reasons you should choose Jumin instead of him, methodically listing out all of his positive attributes while simultaneously shredding his own ego to pieces. You know he’s come a long way in terms of self-esteem, however, he was still a work in progress, and you were positive this weekend would set him back a bit.

Jumin also said nothing, however one look into his steel gaze would confirm your suspicions. He was hoping that your time together would change everything, that it would lead you back into his arms. Every time he looked at you, touched you, kissed you, moved inside you – you could feel the love pouring out of him, tattooing itself in your skin, the question silent behind his always moving lips.

_Will you stay with me? Will you choose me? Do you love me more?_

A small, selfish part of you didn’t want to choose. Why couldn’t you just keep both of them? You could almost picture the three of you in a relationship, your love for both men all encompassing, your body and soul never left wanting for nothing. Despite how much you would enjoy having two lovers, you knew it would never happen. Saeyoung would be willing – previous conversations between the two of you had revealed that he found the brooding trust fund kid attractive and sexy, and if he thought it’d make you happy, he’d agree to almost anything. However, you knew that his demons would be hard to control, the hateful voices would eventually take over, and his jealousy would become a wild, breathing beast.

Jumin was still learning how to handle emotions – his own and those of others around him – and while he’s been maturing leaps and bounds, he wouldn’t be ready for the type of responsibility a relationship like that would entail. Plus, despite your sneaking suspicions, he’s never confirmed nor denied his sexuality, and it wouldn’t be fair of you to exploit his love by forcing him to figure it out before he was ready.

 _No,_  you told yourself, shaking your head slightly with the words.  _I’ve already hurt these men enough, I can’t let my selfish fantasies fuel the pain._

Another heavy sigh left your lips, your bones turning to liquid in the soothing bath. If you were being honest with yourself, you knew what your answer was. The decision was already made, had been made for you.

You knew who your mind returned to time and time again, who your heart continually longed for, even after all this time. Who became the one your soul recognized as its own flesh and blood – who felt like home to you.

You quickly dried your hands with a plush towel, reaching for your phone, knowing what response you were going to send to Saeyoung. Your fingers flied over the screen, typing the words swiftly before pressing send.

This was going to be hard, but with the man you loved by your side, you hoped it would be enough.

* * *

 

 Jumin awoke with a slight groan, deciding that if he didn’t open his eyes, then he wouldn’t technically be awake and the weekend wouldn’t already be over. He rolled to his side, arms reaching for your sleeping form, but instead finding nothing but lukewarm mattress.

His eyes flashed open then, filled with alarm. He almost called out for you when he heard the sounds of the bath filling, your soft humming wafting from the bathroom. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his heart slowing once more.  _You were still here. Thank god._

He rose slowly, his muscles screaming at him to return to bed after the marathon work out he had put them through the night before. A smile danced on his lips while recalling last night’s events, the picture of your lithe form writhing and aching for his every touch still freshly burned into his memory.

_Ah, his memory. That was the trouble, wasn’t it?_

Shaking away his not-so-innocent thoughts, he reached for his cell phone, deciding not to delay the inevitable. He scrolled until he found the contact for Saeyoung, clicking on his picture and composing the text quickly.

_We’re both awake. Feel free to come to the penthouse whenever you are ready and available. Please let me know if you would like Driver Kim to pick you up and escort you._

He pressed send, sighing heavily as he raked a hand through his unruly hair, feeling the silky strands sticking in every which direction from last night’s lovemaking. He briefly considered joining you in the bath; the need to get clean being an excellent excuse to feel your soft, naked body pressed against his once more – before he decided against it. You needed time to think, and he was ever the gentleman.

Instead, he decided to remain as hopeful as possible, figuring that if he infused the universe with positive thoughts, then maybe he would be gifted in return.

* * *

 

 Saeyoung could’ve sworn he had just closed his eyes when a incessant chirping noise woke him up, startling him so much he almost fell off the couch he’d been sleeping on.

 _Oh, its’ just my phone,_  he realized, shaking his head and the sleepiness off with it. The minute his eyes had opened, the deep rooted anxiety had returned, squelching any desire he had to return to sleep.

Opening the messenger app, he saw that he had two unread text messages, one from Jumin and one from you. Seeing your names together like that, one nestled above the other, caused a pang of electric pain in his heart. Even in this small, impersonal form, his body instinctually hated seeing you two together. He was hoping this wasn’t a sign of his future.

In the end, he couldn’t resist sending you a message last night, even though Saeran had told him it would not only make him a moron, but a “super fucking moron”. He had known you probably wouldn’t read it right away, but he couldn’t slow the thoughts pulsing through his head until he had communicated with you, even in some small way. He had composed the text quickly, deciding that he should get straight to the point.  _I love you so much, MC_.  The moment he had pressed send, his breath came to him a bit easier, the strain in his lungs and heart lessened by even the smallest fraction.

He decided to read Jumin’s first, figuring it would have the lesser effect on his heart of the two. He read the message quickly, sitting himself up on the couch in a rush.

You both were awake. It was time for him to go over there, and explain everything.

Time to face reality.

With a shaky breath, he clicked to open the text message from you, steeling himself with confidence he didn’t quite feel. He closed his eyes before he could read the text, taking a small moment to tell himself that no matter your response, no matter what you decided, he would love and support you one hundred percent. He presented you with this situation, allowed Jumin to make this deal, because he truly believed that you deserved to be happy – and that you deserved a chance to figure out your heart.

He finally opened his eyes, peering down at the screen to read your words. His eyes read and reread the message, tears immediately forming pools in his amber gaze. A slight tremor took over his body, his feet moving before he registered the action, arms grabbing his belongings as quickly as possible.

He raced for the door, fingers barely grasping his keys before he was outside, running to his baby car, the candy apple sheen glinting in the morning light. As he started the engine, he realized he hadn’t even said goodbye to Saeran, nor thanked him for his hospitality for the weekend.  _Oh well, he’ll forgive me. He’ll understand._

As he sped off in the direction of the penthouse, he couldn’t stop replaying the message in his mind, his brain putting your sweet, delicate voice behind the words you had sent, speaking them to him on repeat, causing the unease in his gut to rise.

_I love you too, Saeyoung. But we need to talk._


	2. The Choice*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you think you have everything figured out, you realize it was never truly your choice to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things start to get interesting!
> 
> Once again, the bare bones of this are similar to Chapter 8 of Unravel Me, but with a lot of things changed for the alternate decision. So if things feel a little redundant, that's why! 
> 
> I'm currently almost done with the next chapter ~~if I can make myself focus and stop watching Voltron~~ and that should be up within a week or so, I hope.
> 
> For those of you who asked for this alternate ending, I hope you like this! Let me know what you think <3

You dressed in the bathroom, blow drying your hair quickly while you built up the nerve to re-enter the bedroom.

Worrying your bottom lip with your teeth, you stared at your reflection, forcing yourself to take a deep breath in and release it slowly, calming yourself as much as you could.

 _I can do this,_  you reminded yourself.

You started to head back into the bedroom, only pausing in the doorway when you saw that Jumin was now awake, sitting at the edge of the bed and facing away from you.

He was still shirtless, his lean, muscular back coiling and releasing as he began stretching his arms above his head, yawning slightly. He turned as he heard your approach, gazing at you softly and rewarding you with a full, beaming smile, the kind that reached his eyes and tugged at your heart.

_I need to tell him, I need him to know that I can’t leave him again, I won’t leave him again, I can’t-_

Jumin’s brows furrowed in confusion at your deer-in-headlights expression, head cocking in an unasked question. You couldn’t stand it– your feet running towards him as you threw yourself into his lap, burying your head into his chest.

Strong, warm hands smoothed your hair, soft hushing noises accompanying the movement. “Shhh, it’s okay, love. Tell me what’s wrong, we’ll make it okay.” His chest rumbled under your cheek, the adoring tone of his voice making everything clearer and fuzzy all at once.

You pull away, your eyes immediately roaming to look into his silver irises, your throat tightening as you try to choke out the words to explain.

“I know you guys wanted me to make a decision after this weekend, I mean even if you didn’t say it  _I knew_  that’s what you were both hoping for, and I think I have, I don’t want to say goodbye to you again, Jumin. I can’t, I need you, But Saeyo-“

Your rambling was interrupted by another sound – a knock, some shuffling, a door softly clicking closed.

“MC? Jumin?”

Saeyoung’s voice rang out in the penthouse, echoing off the walls and travelling to the bedroom.

You feel your heart drop in your stomach as you slowly pull yourself away from Jumin, who’s still sitting on the bed, looking up at you expectantly.

You reached out for his hand, intertwining his fingers in yours before pulling him gently to his feet. He reaches out to wipe a stray tear, hand pausing at your cheek for a brief moment before dropping back to his side.

“Saeyoung, we’re in here.” Jumin replied, his voice the picture of calm, collected.

Did he hear what you said? That you chose him? What is going on in his head?

He steps away, moving to the closet to grab a shirt, and you find yourself wandering in the hall to meet your boyfriend.

Saeyoung stands in the living room, his red curls windblown and sticking in every direction, his clothes wrinkly and obviously slept in. His glasses are crooked on his nose, and his cheeks are blushed a light pink, a soft pant coming from his mouth, like he’s struggling to catch his breath.

_Did he run all the way up here or something?_

His eyes light up when they see you, a thousand questions and answers in his gaze as he tentatively raises his arms out, reaching for you, silently begging for you to come to him.

For a second time this morning, your body moves of it’s own will, racing into Saeyoung’s awaiting arms, folding yourself into his warm embrace. His scent hits you first; a mixture of his cologne which reminded you of the night sky in the middle of summer, and the subtle sweetness of his favorite snack.  You feel his chest rise and fall with his ragged breaths, his lips pressing a kiss to your crown.

You pull away slowly, searching his amber gaze, trying to convey your thoughts and emotions with your expression, your words spilling from your lips incoherently.

“Saeyoung, I missed you. Holy shit, I missed you. But I think my heart is going to explode and it-“

“What the hell was that text, MC?”

You pause, your mouth drying up at his question, the hurt expression on his face. How do you explain this; what you’ve done? What you’ve decided without him?

Jumin’s sudden presence in the room saves you from having to respond, Saeyoung’s attention immediately focused on the taller male.

“Hello, Saeyoung. I hope you had a relaxing weekend. Please, both of you, join me on the couch,” his arms sweep to gesture towards the living room, his posture relaxed but formal.

Saeyoung moves before you, pulling away to plop on the couch heavily, bouncing slightly before settling. You turn to look at Jumin and he returns your stare with a soft smirk, a mysterious glint in his eyes.

_What is he thinking?_

Jumin’s hand sneaks out to rest on the small of your back, guiding you towards the couch as he follows close behind. You sit down next to Saeyoung, curling your legs underneath you as Jumin moves to sit in the recliner facing you both. He sits back comfortably, his left leg raising to cross the other at the knee, hands clasped in his lap, an unreadable smirk never leaving his face.

He clears his throat before he begins speaking.

“So, I believe we have a lot to discuss today. Firstly, MC had some questions for Saeyoung to answer, so I will let her proceed.”

Oh,  _right._  You did have questions about how this whole weekend transpired, didn’t you. It seemed so long ago when that was the primary concern in your mind.  _How did they find out? What does this mean? How long did he know?_  Now those thoughts were the furthest things from you mind, the insignificance of your curiosity laughable in your current situation.

Saeyoung’s hand clasps yours, your intertwined fingers coming to rest in your lap. It’s a simple gesture; one that you’ve done a million times before, but now it fills you with guilt, making you queasy.

“Your wish is my command, babe. Ask me anything,” Saeyoung starts bouncing his leg nervously, waiting for you to speak.

You swallow thickly around the lump in your throat, chewing on your bottom lip. “Well, the first thing would be how did you find out? I mean, about what was going on with me – the game? How long did you know?”

Saeyoung’s eyes flicked from yours to Jumin, before return back to settle on you. “I’m assuming that Jumin explained how he, ah, ‘remembered’ you?” A slight blush reddens Saeyoung’s cheeks, the color threatening to match his hair.

 _Ah, he is so damn cute._ You nod your head in response, running your thumb on the back of his hand in soothing circles.

“Well, my experience was similar to his. The more I interacted with you, the more I would remember. Except for me, it happened five different times,“ he paused for a moment, searching for his next words. His eyes met yours once more.

“I’d slowly gain moments back, until all of a sudden they’d be gone, and then we’d be at the beginning again. When you finally came to me, it started happening again, only more intensely. Every time we’d talk on the phone, your voice would take me back to a time we spent together – snippets of the RFA party, different phone conversations, promises of marriage in the space station,” he beamed then, his smile infectious at his own words.

“And then, we kissed. Do you remember our first kiss? It was then that I realized that I had loved you all along, even while you were with the others. That I had been waiting for that exact moment – for you to come to me,” his voice turned soft and insightful towards the end, no hint of negativity in his tone, adoration plain on his features.

He clears his throat again before continuing. “So, I knew for a while, I guess. But I thought I was the only one. No one else showed any signs of remembering anything, and so I figured it was just something I was lucky enough to experience. I never had any plans of mentioning it at all until Jumin came to me asking questions.”

Your eyes flick to the other man in the room, his face unreadable. He smirks when he notices you staring, but doesn’t say anything, silently encouraging you to continue your questioning.

A feather light touch pulls your gaze back to Saeyoung, his fingers slipping to your cheek as you turn to face him.

“I hope you know that doesn’t matter to me. We all have our pasts. We both know I’m not innocent, either. I am just glad to have known and love you. All I care about is that you’re happy, healthy, and alive.” He traces the contour of your jaw, your eyes closing at the touch, the sensation a trigger for a flood of memories of all the times his fingers have traced that path.

 _Oh god, this man_. How did he always know what to say? You didn’t know how much you needed to hear those words until you actually heard them. Knowing that he just wanted you happy – its what you had been banking on, this whole time.

You both startle at the sound of Jumin clearing his throat, Saeyoung’s fingers quickly retreating from your face, warmth flooding your cheeks at being caught in such an intimate moment by your other lover.

“Well, if that settles all of your curiosities, MC, I believe we’re ready to move on to the other topic at hand,” Jumin straightens in his seat, his voice cracking slightly, causing a shift in his demeanor.

Your body turns to focus your attention on him, the flash of movement in your peripherals telling you that Saeyoung was doing the same. You look at him expectantly, your heart in your throat, the squeezing sensation twinging every time you swallowed.

“What exactly did you text Saeyoung? Did you, ah, um-” he shifts awkwardly in the chair, looking uncomfortable for the first time during this meeting between lovers. “Did you make a decision?”

Your vision swam once more, tears welling and threatening to overspill as your heart squeezed painfully in your chest. How are you supposed to answer this? How can you look at you boyfriend and tell him that you don’t think you can give Jumin up? That you couldn’t walk away – not like this, not again?

Saeyoung squeezed your hand once more before releasing it, slowly unfurling his fingers and pulling away. Your eyes flash to his at the movement, an errant tear making it’s way down your cheek.

“She did,” Saeyoung answers for you, his smile watery as his gaze turns towards yours, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “She chose you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thIS HURTS ME HALP


	3. White Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you possibly explain your heart without breaking someone elses?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Everything is pain~~
> 
> Firstly, I want to thank you all for the kind and encouraging words on this project! I was pretty nervous about posting this and doing an alternative end, but all the positive feedback was a pleasant (and motivating) surprise! I just hope you all like where this leads, I'm feeling the pressure, lol.
> 
> This chapter is the start of all new material. I may still pull a few scenes/lines from Unravel Me, but for the most part, it's gonna be all new stuff from here on out.
> 
> Enjoy!

You gaped at the redhead, not sure what to say but unable to completely deny the accusation, either. This was all happening too fast, and you found yourself reaching out for him again, the need to comfort him instilled too deep to ignore.

_How did he know? Are you that transparent?_

Jumin slid from the recliner, moving to kneel in front of you and taking your hands in his own. He cleared his throat, molten grey eyes searing with emotion.

“Is that true?”

You look down at the man before you, his adoration evident in his gaze, his touch. So similar to what you saw in your boyfriend beside you – love, so much love. Love you don’t deserve, not from either of them.

You open your mouth to explain, but all that comes out is a choked sob.

The tears flow freely now, your will to hold back completely zapped. How do you begin to explain? What possible words exist to make any of this okay?

You pull one of your hands out of Jumin’s hold, reaching out to grab Saeyoung’s. While he refuses to make direct eye contact, he doesn’t deny your request. It’s not until you’re grasping both men that you finally feel like you have the strength to speak.

“Saeyoung, I love you so much,” you begin, eyes flicking between the hacker beside you to the man kneeling before you. “But this weekend with Jumin made me realize… helped me realize that I couldn’t let him go.” You squeeze both of their hands, willing your emotions into the gesture, praying they would understand.

Jumin’s silver eyes widened, the surprise etched all over his perfect face. He wasn’t expecting that. Yet the forlorn, bittersweet grin on Saeyoung’s face alluded that the redhead had expected something like this to happen. Jumin was elated, of course; but what if you were just saying this out of guilt? He wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“MC,” his voice was raspy, thick with emotion. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay. You don’t love me the way you love Saeyoung. You don’t kno-“

“NO!” you surprise everyone in the room with your sudden shout, pulling your hands away from both men to stand before them. “You don’t get to decide this for me. I do love Saeyoung, but I love you too, Jumin. I tried so hard when I went to Saeyoung’s route to move on, to forget about you. But clearly I couldn’t do it. Even as I gave him my heart, a piece of it remained with you.”

Jumin stood to join you then, his arms reaching out to grab your shoulders as an errant tear ran down your cheek, the floodgates threatening to spill open.

“What if there’s a reason for that? A reason that I couldn’t let go?” you murmur, your voice so quiet and low you aren’t sure if they had heard you.

Jumin’s fingers slide up under your chin, lifting your gaze until it reflected back in his own. His expression was unreadable – stoic, even, ever in control - but everything he was feeling was raging and churning in his eyes. He had heard you, and the devotion shone through with such intensity you had to force yourself not to shy away.

“Say it again,” he says softly, a single digit tracing lightly up your jaw. You pull in a deep breath, your eyes closing against the feel of his skin on yours. You know what he wants to hear, and it’s one of the few things you feel like you still know; a remaining truth in this chaos. You’ll say it as many times as he needs until he believes it - you’ll shout it from the top of the penthouse if you have to.

“I love you, Jumin.”

He gasps, eyes closing at the sound of your voice. His face instantly softens, and when he opens his eyes once more, you notice they are bright and full of love, brimming with unshed tears.

Then he smiles.

It’s such a beautiful sight – a glowing, blinding smile of pure unfiltered joy – that you almost forget about the other man in the room, the one who had been motionless on the couch during this whole exchange; the one who had the other half of your heart.

Saeyoung.

* * *

 

It hurt more than he thought imaginable.

He knew it was a possibility, a potential outcome to this crazy scenario he had thrust you all in, and yet seeing it unfold before him made him want to double over from the pain in his chest, his heart squeezing so hard he thought for sure it had stopped pumping.

The demons inside his head were right. Every awful, horrible thing that he had been telling himself all weekend – every worry, every concern, every insecurity – was now happening, in real time, while he was frozen to this stupid couch in this perfect fucking penthouse.

He had lost you.

He watched the scene play out before him; watched as you told Jumin how you couldn’t move on, how you still loved him. He willed himself to do anything – say anything, _something_ – but all of his words died in his throat, his body shutting down at the realization of what was happening.

“I love you, Jumin.”

He had known that of course, suspected that some part of you still loved the corporate heir. It hadn’t been the first time he had heard you say those words; he had heard it before when he suffered through the mans route, waiting for you to come to him.

But it was the first time that the phrase made his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.

Saeyoung had thought he knew what pain was, knew what it felt like. All those times that he had thought you were going to get blown up, when ‘Unknown’ had held you hostage. When he’d lost Saeran, when he had learned how badly V had betrayed him. When he thought the agency had stolen his life and he would never be able to live as normal adult.  When he saw Saeran sick in the hospital, pulling at his restraints as he screamed for the nurses to make it stop, to make it all go away -

All of that paled in comparison to the devastation that was thrumming through his body at the realization that he had lost you.

You seemed to remember him then, your stare burning holes into his flesh as you waited for him to meet your eyes. He knew what he would see there – regret and sorrow, love and remorse. You still loved him too, but it wasn’t enough; it was never enough.

Saeyoung reached deep inside himself, schooling his body to listen to his will as it recalled all of the training he had received over the years. He could fake this. For five more minutes, until he could get out of this God forsaken room, he could pretend that his world wasn’t falling apart – for you.

A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he stood, turning to face both you and Jumin. He started to reach out to touch you before thinking better of it, instead letting his arm drop to his side.

 “I understand. Please be happy, MC,” he whispered, the lump in his throat preventing him from saying more.

He wasn’t ready to let you go, his every nerve a livewire in his body at the idea of walking away and leaving you here. It felt wrong, like putting his left shoe on the right foot. It didn’t fit, didn’t settle well with his heart.

But his mind reminded him the choice you had made once again. _Not him. Never him._

 It took all the strength he could muster to fight his instincts – to not pull you into his arms and carry you out of this place, never looking back. Instead he took in a shaky breath, balling his fists beside him as he turned on his heel and started heading towards the door.

* * *

 

You collapsed to your knees at the sight of your redheaded lover heading for the door, the air leaving your lungs as your heart squeezed painfully in your chest.

“Saeyoung, wait! Please! Stay, let’s talk this out! I love you, too, there has to be something we could do!” you screech, your voice sounding strangled and tormented even to your ears.

It was like he didn’t hear you - almost as if you hadn’t spoken at all. He didn’t slow in his march towards the door, didn’t even flinch at your words.

It reminded you of all those times at Rika’s apartment, after he had saved you from ‘Unknown’. When you would beg and plead for him to stay, to listen to you, to let you love him; and he would shut you out, glaring at you with cold, expressionless eyes before he’d turn around, continuing his work and ignoring your pleas.

It was happening all over again.

The door to the penthouse slammed shut, and for a moment you were a statue, a frozen piece of stone, unmoving and unfeeling.

And then the tears starting falling faster, your lip quivering as the sobs wracked your body, and you finally allowed yourself to crumble fully as your world came shattering apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one I left behind, his voice is gone along with mine.  
> Did you forget?  
> all the things you had said?  
> please leave me be  
> the one you see really ~~isn't me.~~
> 
>  
> 
>  _*sings to self*_ everything hurts and I'm dying..


	4. Blinded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wanted to be selfish, just this once. He wanted to make you his just like before. He wanted to be deserving of your love and your sacrifice.
> 
> And so he didn’t argue when you said you couldn’t let him go, and instead finally allowed himself to feel something that he had buried down all weekend long –
> 
> Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH I am not 100% happy with this chapter, but every time I re-read it my eyeballs threaten to fall out of my skull, so I'm posting it anyway.
> 
> I really hope it's okay :/ 
> 
> I want to take a moment to THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your amazing comments. Every single one makes me squeal like a banshee and gives me the motivation to fight through all the angst and pain (I will never stop saying this - hurting Saeyoung hurts me). I was nervous to continue this story as an alteration and you have embraced it with open arms, and I cannot even fathom why. You are all too good to me.

Seeing you like this broke Jumin’s heart.

It was quite the juxtaposition – the pure joy that he felt in hearing you say that you love him, that you wanted to be with him, that you couldn’t let go of _him_ – mixed with agony that the light of his life was hurting, bawling on the floor of his penthouse.

And the worst is knowing that this is his fault.

Not solely, he knew. He understood that it was a team effort between him and Saeyoung, and while your love for them made both men feel like they could conquer the entire world, it was that same love that was currently ripping your soul apart.

All he would’ve had to do was convince you that he’d be okay without you – that it would’ve been acceptable for you to choose Saeyoung. He could’ve faked his emotions to close the deal; he was, after all, a business man. But the minute that you stood up, shouting that he didn’t get to decide this for you, all of the will to fight you left his body.

He wanted to be selfish, just this once. He wanted to make you his just like before. He wanted to be deserving of your love and your sacrifice.

And so he didn’t argue when you said you couldn’t let him go, and instead finally allowed himself to feel something that he had buried down all weekend long –

Hope.

He couldn’t believe his good fortune, couldn’t accept that this was really happening, until he heard you say the words. Those sweet, three little words, that sent him flying and made his heart squeeze so tight he had to have you repeat them, just to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

Thank god it wasn’t a dream.

But seeing you crumbled before him, your beautiful face streaked with tears, made those feelings of elation shrivel up and turn to ash. He had to do something; he had to fix this somehow. After everything you have done for him, it’s the least he can do.

Jumin drops to his knees in front of you, pulling your limp form to his body, your cheek pressing hard against his chest. Tears pricked your eyes, causing your vision to swim. You reached up blindly, fisting his shirt in your hands as you clung to him for dear life. You tried to catch your breath, but it seemed like the more you gasped for air, the more it was ripped from your lungs. Your sobs were uncontrollable, an involuntary response to the pain.

Each and every wail you made shattered another piece of him.

“Shhh, Princess. I’m here. Let me help you. What can I do?” he murmurs into your hair, pressing soft kisses to your crown. “Do you want me to call him? To send the guards after him? I can have him stopped and tracked down and brought back here in an instant, MC. Just say the words,”

You can hear the quiet ferocity in his words, the sincerity behind every syllable. You know that seeing you like this is hurting him too, and that he just wants to make things better. But would hunting Saeyoung down and dragging him back against his will really make you feel happier?

“N-no, Jumin, it’s okay,” you gasp, your voice willowy and paper thin. “He needs time to be alone. The least I can do is respect that,”

Your throat closes on the last word, another wave of sadness choking you once more. _Why can’t I stop crying?_ Realistically, you know it’s probably only been minutes, but yet each second feels like decades when your heart is screaming in misery.

“Okay,” Jumin pulls you back slightly to look into your reddened eyes, his words soothing and low. “Then what do you need? Please,” he stumbles slightly on the last word, his handsome face grimacing with pain – your pain. “Let me help you. I _need_ to help you.”

You look up at him, the hitch in his voice making you search his eyes with worry. The last thing you meant to do was choose the man before you and then proceed to have a breakdown, about another lover, no less. This had to be hard for him, too.

_Everything is so fucking complicated. Why am I like this? Why do I destroy everything around me?_

You bring a shaky hand up to cup his cheek, thumb lightly smoothing the skin along his jaw. “You. All I need is you, Jumin. Please don’t leave me,” you beg, allowing the grief to settle over you like a blanket.

Jumin regarded you for a breath, his eyes seemingly searching for something in your own, though you aren’t sure what. He seems to find what he’s looking for, a small smile pulling at his lips as his hand rose to clasp over your own. His eyes close as he sighs, pressing his face into the warmth of your palm.

“I will never leave you. As long as you want me, I will be by your side,” he said, his voice deep and filled with adoration. He then pulled away from you completely, only to bend over and scoop you up in his arms, the muscles coiling under your fingertips and the backs of your knees.

He smirked down at your widened eyes, a hint of playfulness in his voice. “A princess deserves to be treated like one,” he explained as he began to head toward his bedroom. He made a stop at the guest bedroom, going inside to grab something off the bookshelf, before continuing his retreat to his bed.

He sat you down on the edge of the bed gingerly, like you were made of glass and could shatter with one wrong move. Reaching out slowly, he pulled the t-shirt over your head, tossing it to the floor before his deft fingers make quick work of the buttons of your jeans.

Watching him slide them down your body was intimate, but in a different way than the times before. Jumin had disrobed you in many different manners more times than you could count, never failing to send heat licking up your nerves to settle in your cunt. But this time, it was the look in his eyes, the way his fingers lightly traced the lines of your legs that made it seem like something much more.

All those times before, he was in the throes of lust, of want, hungry to mark your body as his own and show you the physical representation of his love. But today, each delicate movement was tender, a sign that he was going to take care of you; that he wasn’t going to run when things got messy. That he would put you back together as many times as you needed until you felt whole.

Sitting in your underwear before him, you couldn’t help but admire his lean body, the way his chest rises and falls with his breaths, the magic his talented long fingers worked as they undid the buttons on his dress shirt. Despite the few silent tears still sliding down your cheeks, you felt a twitch in your core as he let the shirt fall away, revealing the broad straight lines of his toned chest.

You gulped, telling yourself that as much as you wanted him – and as much as a good fuck could be an excellent distraction – now wasn’t the time. Jumin must have been able to read your thoughts on your face, because his mouth curled into a smirk.

“My insatiable kitten,” he murmured, his hands moving to undo his pants as well. When Jumin was matching your attire for the evening, he finally moved to join you in the bed, gesturing for you to lay down beside him.

“As fun as that would be right now, I was actually thinking of reading to you,” he said, a hot blush creeping up his neck. He opened his arms and reached out, signaling for you to snuggle into him. An offer you couldn’t refuse.

You tucked yourself into his body, face pressing into his chest as strong arms envelope your form and hold you close to him. The warmth of the skin to skin contact was instantly comforting, and you inhaled the first full breath you had taken since Saeyoung walked out the door.

_God, Saeyoung-_

Jumin’s smooth baritone interrupts your descent into madness as he begins to read a passage, the words nothing but noise at first until you train yourself to focus on them instead the hurricane inside you. Soon he finds a rhythm, and the melodic sound of his velvet voice mixed with the slow rise and fall of his chest and soft heartbeat relaxes you. The tears stop, and your breathing begins to match his own as your eyes grow heavy, his voice the only sound in your world.

Jumin can tell the exact moment you fall asleep, the soft noises you make reminding him of all the times you had fallen asleep in his arms before.

This time, he wasn’t letting go.

Jumin let the book fall to the bed as he brings his hand up to thread through your hair lightly, the movement helping him sort his thoughts.

He wishes he could make this easier for you, wishes he could pull all the pain from your body and take into his own. Jumin was used to shouldering the weight; handling each issue with the competence and efficiency that made him the infamous CEO of C&R International. It was so frustrating to see a problem unfurl in front of him, and him being powerless to defeat it. He relished in having control, in being able to thwart any obstacle in his path. Nothing angered him more than seeing the woman he loved in peril and not being able to stop it, to save her.

Jumin sighed, letting his eyes close as his hand continued its ministrations in your hair. He would have to think harder, approach this from a different angle. He had to figure this out, if only to see you smile once more.

He would do anything for you.

* * *

 

Saeyoung probably shouldn’t be driving.

On top of not being able to see through the rapidly falling tears, his foot had turned to lead, the gas pedal of his baby car pressed flush against the floor.

Speeding when you can’t see is probably not his smartest idea, but Saeyoung can’t seem to make himself care.

_What in the hell am I supposed to do?_

Another wave of despair comes crashing over him, his breathing coming to him more rapidly as he tries to focus his attention on the blurry asphalt. What’s the point? He can’t survive this anyway. It’s too much. If only he could make himself forget, this wouldn’t be so painful. He wouldn’t have to sit here, reliving every moment you two shared together, every time you told him you loved him-

An idea came to him then, one that he must’ve missed when he first fell into this nightmare shame spiral – Jumin has a doctor’s appointment with a physician who specializes in forgetting. An appointment that he will no longer be needing, if today’s events were an indicator of anything.

Saeyoung grabbed his phone from the middle console, his fingers flying on the screen while he tried to force his gaze on the road. The phone rang three times before a cheerful female answered, offering her assistance.

“Yes, I’d like to change an appointment,” he said, forcing his voice to sound as normal and unstrangled as possible. “Instead of it being under the name Jumin Han, it’ll be for Saeyoung Choi,”

As the receptionist babbled on about different days and times, Saeyoung felt his  mind slipping, his body going right back to the torment of his current situation, at his lack of skills to fix it, to fix anything.

_Why would he be able to fix something when no one is able to fix him?_

Saeyoung was placed on a brief hold as he turned into the garage, stopping the engine slowly. Even though he’d rather be anywhere else than the home that you shared, he didn’t know where else to go. Everything was going to be a reminder of what he lost, a reminder of you.

“Thank you for holding. I apologize; we were able to switch that appointment’s name and get it set up, but it’s for a week from today, at 2 pm. Would that be okay?”

Saeyoung looked down at his hands, the callouses and scars painting a story of a complicated life, one that he doesn’t know how he survived. He had thought his path was leading him to you – always to you – his anchor in the storm.

Now, he was just being tossed and beaten at sea.

“That would be just fine, thank you,”

Saeyoung ended the call, finally getting out of the car to head towards the bunker.

If he can’t erase the pain, maybe he can at least erase you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _How could I be so blind?_  
>  all that I love in life  
> just stripped away from me-  
> a world I can't see.
> 
>  
> 
> I think I need to form a support group that can hold me when I'm broken after each chapter T_T


	5. What Must Be Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long can he hold up a mask before it slips?
> 
> He'd do anything to ensure your happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't supposed to turn out this way, but I couldn't get Saeran and Saeyoung out of my head, so I decided that an additional chapter to the story couldn't hurt anything.
> 
> I think I ugly cried like 3 times writing this. Saeyoung's pain is literally my pain, it hurts me.
> 
> Bless you all for continuing to read this angsty mess.
> 
> Don't worry, we'll go back to Jumin next chapter. I had intended to touch on him here, but it got super long and I wanted to break it up a bit.

Saeran was pretty sure he had the stupidest brother on the planet.

It was the only logical explanation for the text message that he had received from you.

_“Could you please check on Saeyoung? Its almost been two days, and he won’t answer me. Please, Saeran. I’m scared for him.”_

What did that idiot do this time?

Saeran sighed heavily, shoving his phone back into the pocket of his leather jacket as he walked up the concrete steps to the bunker’s front door. Before he could open his mouth to speak his token phrase, the door clicked open, it’s voice sounding defeated as it welcomed him under the title of “God Seven’s lesser clone”. _Stupid fucking door, stupid idiot brother._

As much as he didn’t want to believe it, he knew something must’ve happened. There’s no other reason you would reach out to him like this; it was a sign of pure desperation. Saeyoung always responded to you, was always attached to your side like a cheerful puppy, making Saeran sick to his stomach with your constant show of affection.

No, Saeyoung only runs away and locks himself off if he’s been hurt.

Which must mean you had made a choice. You didn’t come home with him.

* * *

 

The first thing Saeran noticed was the entire place was eerily quiet; without the usual whirring of computers, the apartment almost seemed forcefully muted, like the calm before a storm. The next thing he noted was how not a single light in the space was on, the darkness enveloping the bunker like a thick blanket, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Fuck. Something was definitely wrong.

“Saeyoung?” Saeran shouted, trying to keep the panic from his voice as he all but sprinted back towards Saeyoung’s work room. He finally heard the hushed sounds of sobs coming from behind the door, and he found himself barging in, the need to lay his eyes on his brother too strong to give him a proper chance at privacy.

It was the scene behind the door that finally told Saeran just how fucked everything was.

His eyes scanned the room, first landing on his brother hunched on the floor in the center of the tile, knees pulled to his chest. He was bawling openly, the sobs racking his body as he rocked back and forth, eyes squeezed shut tightly, tears streaking his face. After realizing his brother was, in fact, safe, he finally allowed himself to take in the rest of the room, to see what his twin had been up to.

The entire room was trashed.

It was hard to tell where one piece of the destruction ended and another began - everything that was in the room smashed into tiny bits, indistinguishable from their original forms.  It all surrounded Saeyoung, like he was the eye of the hurricane, the center of a blizzard made of metal and wire. Computer monitors were ripped from the wall and snapped in two like twigs, the towers smashed and flattened into nothingness. Broken buttons from multiple keyboards crunched under Saerans feet as he approached him, the warped and twisted bases scattered on the desks.

The only thing that remained on the wall was one single monitor - the one that Saeyoung had changed to constantly display his favorite picture; the one of the entire RFA together and smiling after Saeran had been rescued. Saeran glared up at the picture, noting the discoloration of the screen where something heavy had been thrown, blowing out the pixels and leaving a big green streak down the middle, right where your smiling face had been sitting next to your boyfriends.

The level of destruction in the room was insurmountable and thorough, a feat that would’ve taken ten men days to accomplish, but something that only took his brother a few hours and a solid heart break to conquer.

The amount of pain palpable made Saeran feel sick to his stomach. 

Reaching his brother, he crouched down, stretching a hand out to touch his shoulder tentatively, not wanting to startle him. “Saeyoung,” he called gently, trying to get him to focus. Broken amber eyes glared back at him, seeing but not seeing anything, lost in the devastation of _you._

Saeran met his gaze, his eyes never leaving his brothers, wanting to anchor him to this moment, wanting him to feel his presence. To know he was never truly alone.

Saeyoung held his eyes for a moment, wanting to convey what he was feeling without speaking, not having the strength to admit that he was so damn weak. He couldn’t do this; couldn’t face this world alone without you, and he was sick of trying to act like he could.

The brothers sat frozen in time, reaching and grasping for each other with stares and silent pleas, Saeran’s strong hand finally coming up to cup his twins cheek.

“Saeyoung, you need to snap out of this. Come on,” he begged, reaching out to pull his brother up until he was standing, still slightly swaying in his hands.

Saeyoung was a puppet, a body without a soul, lifeless. Seeing his older brother – his stronger, smarter, better, _always better_ , brother act like he was useless? It pissed Saeran off. Didn’t he realize what he had at his disposal? All of his good qualities, all of the things that always made him superior? Didn’t he know that he could fight and he could win?

Saeran found his grip tightening on Saeyoung’s shoulders, fingers pressing harsh enough to leave bruises in his delicate skin. “Listen. I don’t know what happened, but I can take a guess,” he let his eyes wander around the chaos of the room once more, before landing back on his twin. “But as far as I’m concerned, you’re going about this the wrong way,”

He made sure that he had his undivided attention then, shaking him a bit until his eyes cleared and settled on his own. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, then we can talk,”

It had taken less than an hour to bathe Saeyoung and dress him in warm, clean clothes. He had wanted him to sleep, but Saeyoung refused, speaking for the first time that day to tell his brother that everything got worse when he closed his eyes. That was something that Saeran could relate to. Instead of forcing him to rest, he propped him in front of the TV while he tackled the wreck left behind.

It took Saeran half a day to clear out the computer room. He waded through the destruction, salvaging what he could and throwing out all the rest. He managed to fix the monitor that held the picture, the stark green line now disappeared and leaving your smiling face unobstructed next to his brother. For some reason, he couldn’t find the strength within himself to erase the image, or turn it off. It felt too wrong. Like something deleting something permanent.

Saeran walked into the living room, finding his brother motionless on the couch, eyes open but still not seeing, still not focused. He felt a mixture of emotions bubbling up, but there was one simmering on top of the rest, one he wasn’t the best at controlling –

Anger.

“Saeyoung.” He barked sharply, the name said like a weapon, like a force of nature. His twins eyes immediately snapped to his own, and he realized now that he was in this position, he couldn’t stop here. Biting his tongue would get him nowhere.

“I don’t know what happened. I can assume it has to deal with her, but I don’t know for sure,” at this he looked down, gulping as he pushed his hair out of his eyes. “However, what I do know is that this isn’t you. The way you’re acting right now? It’s not the brother I know, the one who brought me back from Mint Eye, who saved me from that snake in human skin,” he spat, the vitriol leaking into his voice.

He paused; cleared his throat, starting over. “As far as I can see, you have two options – you could explode the world. Blow up everything, call the agency, and run. You’re good at running, brother,” he smirked sadly, a bittersweet grimace on his face. “You could go back to what you know. Be a secret agent man, never staying in one place long enough to form attachments, let alone fall in love. You could choose to be 707 again, and I wouldn’t stop you. Hell, you could even erase your memories beforehand if you wanted to. I know you know how,”

Saeyoung felt his throat tighten, the words choking and dying away as his brother lectured him. He wanted to explain that he had already thought of that – had already ran a million similar scenarios in his head before he even showed up, before he even knew what was going on. That he had weighed every pro and con and didn’t want to hear any more. _He couldn’t hear any  more-_

“Or, you could fight.”

Amber eyes snapped up to meet his brothers then, his gaze intense and sincere. “You could fight for her. For what you know is yours. You should fight for her, Saeyoung. She put up with so much, put herself through so much pain just to get through to you, to be at your side,”

Saeran paused then, seemingly getting caught up in the emotions of his own words. Shaking his head, he pulled a shaky breath before continuing. “She put up with all your bullshit, and the minute she throws some back, you run away? Lock yourself in your fortress and throw a fit? That’s such fucking garbage, Saeyoung! If you love her as much as you say you do, then you need to fight for her!” he yelled, his voice echoing off the walls of the room.

Saeyoung froze once more, recognizing the anger in his brothers voice, the most emotion he’s ever shown towards either of you since returning from that- that _place._ There was a part of him buried deep down that knew his twin was right; that every fiber of his being recognized as truth. He **should** fight for you. He needed to fight for you. But a smaller, darker voice told him that it didn’t matter – that he could never win, didn’t deserve to win. Didn’t deserve to be happy. Didn’t deserve you.

“You know which one I want you to choose, but this isn’t up to me. I will say this, however,” he leaned down, grabbing his brothers shoulders once more to shake them with emphasis. “You’d be a bigger jackass than I thought if you walk away from her and leave her behind. Also, you should cancel that fucking appointment, you dick. It's the wrong move,”

Saeran released his grasp, giving his brother a lingering stare before he sighed deeply, moving towards the door. Now that he has come to his aid, knew that he was safe and sound, he felt okay leaving him for a short period of time. He needed to give him some space to think. As much as he wanted his stubborn, dumbass brother to choose – this was something that wasn’t his choice to make.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said softly, not looking back as he grabbed for the handle.

Saeyoung jumped when the door slammed shut, his mind moving a mile a minute. He knew his brother only spoke in truths, ones that he should consider. He tried to use his voice as a buffer, one that disintegrated the evil that shouted in his head, making all of his worst thoughts seem like accurate facts.

But he felt like his life wasn’t his, like he couldn’t stomach this being his truth anymore.

If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure which voice was stronger. It was clear what Saeran wanted him to do; what he was hoping he would say.  But he couldn’t promise anything, the ability to speak crumbling before he could stop his twin from walking out the door.

But maybe this was the best way.

Yes, he wouldn’t be able to admit how much he needed you, how much he loved you. But in this ending you would be happy. If he called the agency – if he left without a trace – you wouldn’t have to worry about him, wouldn’t have to care about him any longer. You could fulfill your happily ever after with Jumin, and he would become just a flash of a distant memory; something that you thought about late at night, but come the soft light of dawn, you would awake and forget.

He could live with only having you in the dusky light of morning, while the world slept. He could live with being a secret that you only breathed in your darkest moments, in hushed tones and moments of weakness. He could tolerate being the ghost that you once knew, the one that drifted through your fingertips.

If only you were happy, he was willing to do anything for you.

Even if that meant forgetting you completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't wanna reach for me, do you?  
> I mean nothing to you  
>  _the little things give you away_  
>  All you've ever wanted was someone to truly look up to you  
>  ~~But six feet under water - I do.~~


	6. Come Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't hide from Jumin - even if you wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cat daddy is back and is making all the ladies purr. 
> 
> I don't think I impressed many people with my surprise Choi Boi chapter last week, so I hope you'll accept this as my formal apology.
> 
> <3

It’s been four days.

Or has it been five? Honestly, it’s been hard to keep track of. There was something about spending time with Jumin that makes you lose sense of time.

All you knew was it had been several days since you first arrived at the penthouse. Since your little weekend with Jumin had started; since Saeyoung had left without looking back.

Jumin had been amazing. His patience was limitless, his ability to read you and know what you need surprising even yourself. When you began panicking that no one had heard from Saeyoung, he handed you your phone and calmly encouraged you to text Saeran to have him check in. When Saeyoung hadn’t entered the chat in a couple of days causing the RFA to stir with questions, he deftly handled all of them while still not revealing anything that you didn’t feel ready to share. With one look from you, he had cleared his entire schedule (much to the annoyance of Jaehee), and spent every moment by your side supporting you.

You sure as hell hadn’t made it easy on him. Your emotions were a rollercoaster – one minute you were laughing and smiling with the dark haired man, cuddled into his arms – the next you were crashing down, your body shaking with uncontrollable sobs as your grief took over. Jumin was there through it all, never wavering in his devotion to you, never judging you for your highs and lows. When you’d fall, he was there to scoop you up, whispering words of love and praise in your ear, always reminding you how strong you truly were.

You sure didn’t feel strong.

You felt selfish. Your greedy heart was the reason you were in this mess to begin with – your inability to let go of one man, to truly allow yourself to love another. Instead, you had desperately held on to one, clutching him close to your chest as your opposite arm reached out to grab another. They were both incredible men, worthy of all of the love in the world, least of all the love from one person’s heart – but instead, you gave each of them a piece of you, and accepted their tangled threads in return.

Some days, your thoughts got dark. It was easy for you tell yourself you weren’t deserving of Jumin’s affections, that Saeyoung had every right to hate you, to want to erase you. Seeing the soft look in Jumin’s eyes made you hate yourself for the pain you had caused, the pain you continued to cause. All you wanted was to make him happy, and instead he gets to deal with a broken train wreck of a girl, who flops from smiling to disaster in the matter of seconds.

Jumin could always tell.

Any time you started to slip, your mind going down a dark road – Jumin always knew how to bring you back. Maybe it was because he was used to hiding his emotions as well, all too familiar with the mask that you would slide into place to pretend that everything was okay. Or maybe it was just because he knew your soul so effortlessly that he could tell when it was suffering, regardless of what you said.

This morning was one of those days.

You had fallen asleep in Jumin’s arms once more, pressed into his chiseled chest and lulled to sleep with the thrumming of his heart. The safety of his arms was the only place you felt safe enough to truly rest, to let the buzzing of your mind fade to a peaceful black. Being back in Jumin’s bed was one of the silver linings of all this whole mess; you’d never get sick to waking up to his warmth, to see that sleepy smile on his face that was just for you, _only you_ , that you had believed you had walked away from all those months ago.

However, this morning you had woken alone, tangled in the black sheets and clutching Jumin’s pillow tightly to your chest, as if you were leeching any heat left in the material. Though his scent still lingered, it took a moment for your sleep addled brain to recognize and register that he wasn’t there. Wait, where was he?

_Jumin was gone?_

You sat up suddenly, panic rising like bile in your throat, eyes darting around the room to see if you could place your dark haired lover. The bedroom was empty, and besides the quick pants of your breathing, the penthouse was silent. Did he leave? Did he finally wise up? Realize that he could do better than you, could find someone that would give him everything, that wasn’t weighed heavy with baggage and pain?

_But you needed him – you can’t do this, not alone, not-_

“Jumin?” you choked, the alarm in your voice causing strain. After a few seconds of silence, the anxiety came crashing over you in waves, causing you to shake with anticipated despair. “Jumin?!” you yelled, this time not caring how ragged you sound.

The door to the bedroom slammed open, causing you to jump before you see his tall form silhouetted in the frame, two coffee cups and a bag of what looked to be donuts in his arms.

“MC? What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he breathed, barely managing to set the items down before dropping to his knees before you, hands sliding over your bare legs.

Seeing that look in his eyes – the mixture of fear and concern with the underlying adoration, the worry causing the crease between his brows to be prominent - made you feel sick to your stomach. Of course he didn’t go. He’s too perfect; he would never do that to you, would never leave you without so much as word.

Suddenly, the idea of voicing your idiotic anxieties seemed like it would cause more harm than good. You had already done enough to this beautiful man, put him through enough hell to last a lifetime. He didn’t need to know what type of beast your insecurities had painted him into. He deserved more credit than that. _He deserved better_.

“Nothing,” you sigh, your hand coming up to thread through his dark hair, the tension easing out of your body. Your force your lips into a small smile, your eyes meet his briefly before turning away, closing gently as you continued your smooth movements.

But Jumin saw right through you.

He reached up to grasp your wrist, pulling your hand down in front of his mouth to place a soft, lingering kiss on your pulse point.

“Don’t,” he murmured, so quietly you weren’t sure you had heard him correctly.

“Don’t what, Jumin?”

“Don’t do that. Don’t hide yourself from me. I’m right here – look at me.” He demanded darkly, your eyes immediately obeying and meeting his molten silver gaze.

“I can tell when you’re lying, and when you’re hurting. I know you think you’re covering it up, but you can’t. Not from me. I know you. I see you. And I’m not going anywhere,”

Tears welled at his sweet words, the vice on your heart loosening as you truly took in this magnificent man before you. Not for the first time, you think you could spend your whole life trying to convey how much you love him, and never find the right words. You’d never be able to accurately explain just how deeply you care for him, how much your soul lightens around him.

But you could try to show him.

You reach forward, sliding your hands to his cheeks, pulling his face up until it lined perfectly with your own. You stare at him hungrily, trying to convey your need silently before leaning down to take his lips into a passionate kiss. His arms immediately wound around your waist, his body rising to hover over your own as he presses you down to the mattress, lips never leaving your own.

You were always good at showing.

Licking the edge of his lip, you sought entrance into his mouth, tongue moving to dance with his own. He quickly took over, fighting for dominance in the kiss, making you dizzy and causing heat to pool in your gut. He bit your bottom lip softly before pulling away, remaining close enough that you could feel his soft breaths on your face.

“I love you,” he whispered, his words quiet but fierce with conviction. He began pressing his lips over your face, moving from your forehead and working his way down with feather light kisses. “Stay with me,” he murmured, pressing the words into the skin of your neck before his teeth followed, marking you and causing you to hiss with pleasure.

You knew what he was asking. He wasn’t asking you to stay with him in the physical sense, which you had been doing for the last few days now, anyway. No – he was asking for you to not run and hide, to not let your eyes glaze over with indifference, to not let your pain and grief swallow you whole and leave you a walking shell. He was asking – demanding – you to stay, to truly feel, to not escape from whatever emotions were suffocating you. To not put camouflage on around him and pretend that it was real.

Tears pricked your eyes once more, your hands smoothing up the hard planes of his back before one hand tangled into the hair at his nape, pressing him closer to you. Breathless, you answered him.

“I love you too, Jumin,” you gasped, your voice air as his mouth and tongue kept laving at your skin. “I’m not going anywhere,”

He bit down on your collar bone in response, sucking the tender skin before soothing it with his tongue. He smirked when you cried out, fingers pulling at his hair, the mixture of pain and pleasure etched beautifully on your face. The sound of your voice moaning for him, raw and unabashedly, was music to his ears, the proof of the promise you were making him; A promise to not run – a promise to feel.

It was something he was willing to spend eternity fighting to prove, something he would die to protect.

He would make you feel his love for you so deeply that it drowned out any remaining glimpses of pain or fear or anguish that was left from those before him. He would scorch the earth of your heart, ridding it of any darkness before replacing it with the new growth of his light. No pretenses. No disguises.

 No matter how long it took, you wouldn’t leave his bed until you knew just how much he truly loved you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen you carry family  
> And all my insecurities  
> One by one, they'll come undone  
> When we get home  
> Because _I've seen you_  
>  **And I know you**  
>  _And I'm not going anywhere_
> 
>  
> 
> Juju is literal perfection and hnnnnnngg I love him.


	7. Poison & Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't have a choice - but you'd still choose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I am so sorry I disappeared for a bit! I had some family in town, and right after they left, I awoke on my day off to V's route being out and I NEEDED TO PLAY IT IMMEDIATELY.
> 
> Your girl got the good end on the first try, but will my heart ever be the same?? Spoiler alert: NO. ~~Ray you bab let me LOVE YOU~~
> 
> Anyway, to make up for it, this chapter is about double the normal length.  
> (Also, if you've played V's route you might notice a few familiar sounding lines. If not, don't fret - they aren't spoilery and shouldn't ruin anything, just a little Easter egg since I couldn't resist)
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3

You rolled on top of him, sliding a hand up his arms to pin them above his head. You were both panting, your breath fanning on his neck as you sucked the tender piece of flesh between your teeth.

He groaned, his hips rising to grind against yours. You pull up slightly; not enough to move your mouth away, but enough that he didn’t get the release he sought against your body. His pelvis tried to follow, but instead met air before falling back to the bed, a deep whine leaving his throat.

You chuckled, looking down at him, admiring the mess that he was becoming. He rarely let you take control between his need for dominance and endless schemes – not often, anyway – and now you were starting to see the appeal.

The power was addicting.

He must’ve noticed your amusement, because he tried to pull his wrists from your grasp, his gaze burning holes into your skin. Your hands tightened around his, one moving away deftly to pull the restraint from the headboard and loop it around his wrists expertly.

“I see you’ve mastered your knot tying lessons,”

“I learned from the best,” you smirk, sliding your hands down his body now that he couldn’t fight you. His chest was tight beneath your fingers, the strength in his lean muscles flexing against your touch. You moved to pull his boxer briefs down his legs, freeing his hardened length and pulling another breathy gasp from him.

You quickly discarded the last scrap of fabric between you, your dripping heat just inches above his cock. You could see the tension in his arms as he pulled against his restraints, his pupils blown wide, his body rising off the mattress trying to reach you.

_So addicting._

Biting back another giggle, you press his body down flat, your lips meeting his a second before your cunt finally presses against him. Instead of taking him inside you, you slowly roll your hips, sliding your core up and down his length, mewling lightly when his swollen tip would press against your hardened clit. Despite his frustration, he couldn’t help but moan, letting his head loll back against the bed. The strangled sounds coming out of him were driving you insane, but you weren’t ready to give in yet – not yet.

“Are you going to tease me forever?”

His voice was slick with lust, and it sent a rush of heat right to your already soaked folds. You glided up one last time before rising slightly, just enough to sever the contact. His hips followed, as if they had a mind of their own, his frustrated sigh accompanying their fall back to the mattress.

You slid one hand to his cheek then, cupping his face and giving him a tender look before stealing his lips into a heated kiss, your tongue pressing inside of his mouth quickly before pulling away. You wanted him to say the words; the ones that he had made you say so many times before, the ones that made you feel weak and drunk with lust all at the same time. But mostly, you wanted to say the phrase – the one you had yet to use against him.

Leaning forward, you pulled the lobe of his ear between your teeth, biting softly as one hand pulls at the mess of hair at the nape of his neck.

“Beg me,”

Placing nips and bites down the column of his neck, you feel his breath catch as he finally registers your words. Stopping your descent, you raise up to meet his eyes once more, your eyebrow quirked up awaiting a response.

He makes a poor attempt at steeling his molten gaze, his tough demeanor immediately crumbling the minute you start grinding yourself against him once more. He groaned loudly, his arms yanking on the restraints as he tried to move his hips in tune with yours. With more effort than you’d ever admit to, you lift off him once more.

It didn’t take long.

“Please,” he whines, his voice cracking through his labored breathing. “Please fuck me, please-“

His words are cut off as your hand reaches down to hold his cock steady before you seat yourself on him, your warm heat enveloping him immediately and causing both of you to cry out loudly. You begin to rock gently, leaning forward to suck the skin of his collarbone between your swollen lips.

“I love you,” he murmurs, his eyes hungry as they take in your form riding him slowly.

You felt your body flush, a red heat creeping up from your toes until it swallowed you whole. You grinned at the beautiful man beneath you, your mouth hovering right above his own.

“I love you too, Saeyoung,”

_Wait…_

_What?_

_Saeyoung?_

You sit up suddenly, your eyes flying open as your hand flutters to your chest, trying to stop your heart from beating so rapidly. Looking around, you take in the dark yet familiar furnishings of Jumin’s bedroom, complete with a snoozing dark haired corporate heir shirtless in bed next to you.

You let out a shaky breath you didn’t know you were holding, eyes closing to take pause.

_It was a dream, it was just a dream…_

Tears pinprick your eyes, and for a minute you toy with the idea of waking him, seeking comfort. You know he’d pull you close, smoothing your hair and saying all the right things until you calmed. Or if you hinted towards it, he’d be more than happy to take you again, finding a new and creative way to distract your mind and body-

No. He’s seen you cry enough.

You need some air.

Shifting slightly so as not to wake him, you move from the bed, pulling a robe off a nearby hook and sliding it on as you head for the door. The clock on the nightstand read 2 am, which meant the whole world would be asleep while you gazed upon it from the balcony.

The cool night greeted you as you slid open the door, the moon bright and low in the sky. It truly was a beautiful view, one you didn’t think you’d ever get sick of.

Just like everything else here in the penthouse.

You’re not surprised by your dream, the realness of it fading slowly in the gentle breeze of the early morning hours. You had received a response from Saeran, finally, about the wellbeing of his brother, though it was as short and curt as you’ve come to expect from him.

_“I’m with him. He’s fine. He might skip town though- I’m working on it.”_

Jumin had held your hand as you read it, and had held you even closer when you had handed him the phone before you had let the sobs take you over – again.

How many times have you cried now?

So it was no wonder that your mind had wandered back to the hacker while in the throes of sleep, though you weren’t expecting it to go there. The scene you had been playing out before you happened to not be a dream at all, but was one of your last nights together – a mere days before you had left to head to Jumin’s penthouse.

Reliving those moments, feeling his touch burn across your skin, the way his mouth felt on yours, the way he twitched inside you- it was all too raw, too real, and you finally let the tears you had been holding back fall. A small, strangled sob escaped your throat before you could stop it, and you pressed your fist in your mouth to trap any further noises.

_Why did everything hurt so much?_

Lamenting over it didn’t help, but sometimes you couldn’t stop yourself. You’d be doing the simplest of tasks, mundane chores, and something small would set you off – a piece of clothing, a familiar scent – and your grief would crash on you like a tidal wave, heavy and unyielding.

_If only you could make them both happy. If only you could have them both. If only you could stop being so fucking selfish-_

A hand on your shoulder made you gasp, pulling you out of your current disastrous train of the thought. Spinning around, you are met with Jumin’s concerned face, his worry causing him to come outside in nothing but his boxer briefs. His dark hair was stuck up in every direction, and you couldn’t help but smile; his bedhead softening the guilt that was building inside your heart.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

Staring at the sweet beautiful man before you made all the worries of a moment before seem small; a manageable current instead of a raging storm.

Pressing yourself to his chest, you wrap yourself around him as his arms immediately envelop you in a cocoon, his lips pressing soft kisses to your crown.

“Just a bad dream, I’m okay,”

Maybe if you kept saying the phrase, one day you’d actually mean it.

Jumin tenses at your words, knowing that you aren’t telling the full truth, but not wanting to press the issue at this moment. Instead, he reaches down to cup your chin, raising your face to look at him.

“Come back inside. Come be with me,” he murmured, his voice calm though his eyes revealed how he truly felt; he was pleading, tormented that you were still in pain.

You press your lips against him in response, and it only takes him a moment before he sinks into the kiss, his mouth moving fervently against your own, sucking your bottom lip between his teeth. His mouth is the sweetest poison, a rich wine that you would never tire from drinking, and you found yourself getting drunk on the taste of him on your tongue. You needed more, much more.

Before things could escalate further, you pull away, astonished at how hard your heart still beats after kissing him, how dizzy and light you still feel when confronted with his love, even after everything.

You grab his hand, dragging him back into the penthouse so that you could show him just how grateful you are for that love. Jumin smirks at your eagerness, a willing prey to this kidnapping.

It wasn’t until a few hours later, long after you had fallen asleep again, pressed to his chest right above his heart, that he would grab his phone and send a message to the last person who would want to hear from him right now.

It was simple; concise, straight to the point, as all of his messages were. Ever the businessman to keep things professional as possible.

But unlike with all of those other messages, his hand trembled as he pressed send, his desperation to make you happy causing the adrenaline to the thrum in his veins.

He could only pray that his message was received in time.

* * *

 

The image blinking on his screen was agonizing, but if anything it proved what he already knew was true.

You would be okay.

Saeyoung had watched from the security feed as you wandered onto the balcony of the penthouse, your face almost peaceful bathed in the bright white of the moon. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say you looked content; serene, a princess looking over her sleeping kingdom in the cover of night.

But he did know better.

He wasn’t surprised when you started sobbing, but that didn’t stop the pain from ripping through his chest at an alarming rate while watching it. The torment in your eyes as you brought a hand up to your mouth to choke it all back had broken a piece inside of him, and for the first time made him pause and rethink his plan.  

_Is running really the best idea?_

He had arranged it all already, not that it was hard. Procuring the documents he would need took only a few hours, and he had emergency ‘time to run’ packs hidden all over the bunker from his 707 days. He hadn’t contacted the agency yet – figuring it was best to wait until he was far from this place, the distance hopefully creating a safety barrier around you. His appointment for the procedure would be his last stop on his way out, a final insurance policy to start his transition back to agent and keeping you out of harms way.

At least, that’s what he told himself the procedure would be for.

Saeyoung’s thoughts were interrupted by a new figure coming onto the screen, reaching out to grab you. He couldn’t hear anything, but he could see the concern in Jumin’s eyes, the tension in his body. He was anxious, though it was obvious to the hacker that he was making an effort to hide it.

It wasn’t until he saw how you relaxed when Jumin kissed you, the guilt and pain ebbing off your face as his lips moved over yours, that Saeyoung was able to breathe again, the lump in his throat causing him to swallow hard.

_See? You’d be okay. You are okay. You have Jumin, and everything was okay._

He didn’t realize he was crying until his vision started to blur the screen, your silhouettes sliding together until they became one.

Leaving was the best option. It was the only way he could make you happy, the last small favor that was within his copacity to give. He was too dangerous; had done too many bad things to deserve you, to hold you with hands that had healed and bruised without a second thought. You wouldn’t have to worry about him, or care about his well being, or think about him at all. It didn’t matter if you forgot about him, as long as you were happy no matter what.

His heart clenched agonizingly in his chest, causing his head to fall to the desk in front of him, tears fully streaming down his face now. It was torture; this feeling, this love that couldn’t be. But he would only have to endure it for a few more days – just 3 more days, and it would all disappear.

One of his phones beeped incessantly, but he couldn’t focus on whatever it was – not yet. Saeyoung encompassed the heartbreak, allowing it to wash over himself, giving himself just a few more moments to break down before he went back to work.

If he only had a few more days to feel this pain – if pain was the only thing he could feel – then he would embrace this pain for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't love you, but I always will  
> I always will.


	8. Your Voice Calls Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Saeyoung to go, but he isn't sure if he could ever truly leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we have arrived at the end! 
> 
> I was going to break this chapter up, initially - but the way I wrote it, I really think it all belongs together. Therefore, this is the last chapter for this alternate ending. 
> 
> There were times I wasn't sure if we'd ever make it here, but alas.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for encouraging me, leaving me comments, messaging me on tumblr, and just being so amazing and kind. I still have a hard time considering myself a 'writer' by any means, but all of your love means the world to me and makes me want to write more things to ~~hurt your heart~~ make you smile :)
> 
> (Also bonus points if you spot all the Noragami references, I am trash.)

Why weren’t you better at hiding things?

No, it’s not that. Jumin is just too keen to these things. He knows when you’ve been crying, knows when your mind slips again. If he had a sixth sense, it must be to know when you are in pain. He’s always a step ahead, always ready to soothe and comfort.

It almost makes you feel like shit.

It had been a little over week since Saeyoung walked out, and you weren’t quite sure what he had been up to. Saeran provided updates when he could, but they were sparsely worded and becoming few and far between. Knowing Saeyoung, he was probably going to run.

The idea made bile rise in your throat.

Your normal escape of chatting in the RFA app had also been halted, since explaining this situation was very… delicate. Only Jumin, Saeyoung and Saeran were aware of the true story, of the different “routes”, and you didn’t have the stomach to explain it to the others. If they knew… if they somehow found out how you had loved and left them too, you didn’t think you’d be able to live with the guilt, or their pain.

Understandably, this left the others very confused. They didn’t comprehend why you were at the penthouse, why Saeyoung was absent, or why you were with Jumin at all for that matter.

How do you begin to answer that?

Jumin told you not to worry, to focus on him and your future, on being happy. His words were always sweet and just what you needed, but it was hard not to let the anxiety seep in your bones. It didn’t help that Zen was blowing your phone up every ten minutes asking if you needed to be saved from the ‘corporate monster’.

It was all too much.

Which is why you tried to hide it.

Guilt ate at you constantly; for what you were doing to Saeyoung, for how your crying fits affected Jumin, for lying to the others. It was a vicious cycle of remorse, of all the mistakes you had made to get to this point flashing before your eyes. The least you could do was hide your meltdowns from Jumin; to shoulder some of the burden you had placed on his perfect shoulders.

After the second time finding you sobbing, he begged for you to let him help. To let him track down Saeyoung, bring him back here, and talk things through. When you had vehemently denied the need to do that, he offered simpler suggestions – a tracking device, a body guard. As much as those would probably ease your mind, they were also too invasive. You broke Saeyoung’s heart, it wasn’t your place to follow him around, to try to chase him down like a dog. It was the least you could do – give him freedom, give him space.

That isn’t to say you weren’t happy, too. You were. There were moments of pure bliss that had your heart squeezing for all the right reasons, that would leave a grin plastered on your face for hours. Since being in the penthouse, you thought more than once that if Jumin’s smile could be bottled and sold, the entire world would be bathed in that light. He made your heart soar, your demons quiet. And he knew just how to make your body sing for him, over and over until you lost consciousness.

But with every period of happiness, one of sorrow was sure to come.

It was all too much.

After much discussion, Jumin agreed to let you leave the building to get some alone time in. He would go into work and get a few papers reviewed and signed, and you would go to the coffee shop down the street and order your favorite dirty chai latte and people watch. Just for a few hours, you’d be able to turn your brain off and just… be.

That was the plan, anyway.

Instead, you found your latte half cold and your mind wandering endlessly. Leg bouncing, you reached for you phone, the need to be doing something making your fingers swipe across the screen.

Maybe you needed a friend? Someone besides Jumin to talk to?

No, that was impossible. Who else could you even discuss this with? The list was pretty short; including one man who probably hates you, and that man’s twin brother.

Saeran is always good company, though.

Your finger taps on the ‘Contacts’ icon, quickly sliding down the screen searching for his number. Saeran was a good listener, and had been one of your closest friends before… before everything happened. While he seemed curt in your previous exchanges, you were pretty sure if he was available, he’d come if you just asked him to.

Before clicking his name, you found your eyes drawn to the contact nestled right above his in your favorites list, the nickname ‘God Seven’ decorated with a million emojis (per his own doing, of course) pulling your attention.

It would be so easy. To just click his name, to let the phone do all the work and call him. Or to send him a text message, even just a brief one, to tell him that you were sorry. That you wanted him happy. Anything. Any type of connection with him would be ideal right now.

The need to press ‘call’ overwhelmed you, making your heart speed up and your vision blur. What was the worst that would happen? He didn’t answer? He hadn’t answered this whole time, that wouldn’t be anything new. You could handle that.

Taking a deep breath, you finally tap ‘call’, wishing that this would be the one time that he answered, that he would actually _listen_ to you…

All of a sudden, a voice is right next to you, scratchy and low, but a familiar one that you couldn’t forget, not in a million years.

“No need to call, darling – God Seven has arrived, your wish has been heard loud and clear!” 

* * *

 

He revved the engine, staring at the red light and willing it to change.

It was time to get out of there.

Saeran had done his best to make him feel like shit about it, though he expected nothing less. When he found out that he was planning on fleeing the country, Saeyoung thought that Saeran was going to strangle him with his bare hands. After nearly avoiding death, his brother said the one thing that would make Saeyoung pause.

“You’re going to leave me again? Just like before?”

It was a low blow, and he knew it, but it worked. Saeyoung finally agreed that he would just go to a nearby city and contact the agency to work from there temporarily. He’d be close enough to Saeran that he could visit when he wanted, but far enough away that the temptation to drive to the Penthouse and steal you from Jumin’s arms was sated.

Not that it would matter anymore.

Saeyoung drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, his nervous energy manifesting to alleviate the anxiety thrumming through his veins.

He still had that doctors appointment, set up for today. It was on his way out of town. It would be easy to drive up, to walk in. To go through with a procedure specifically designed to make him forget.

But could he forget you?

He loved you, more than life itself. It was part of the reason that he came to this conclusion – he loved you and needed you so fucking much, but the idea of you sobbing and crumbling in pain because of _him_ -made Saeyoung feel like a selfish bastard. You deserved to live a happy life, not one where you constantly worry about how to keep the peace and your feelings in check around him.

The sound of a horn blaring pulled him out of his thoughts, and Saeyoung glanced up to see the light had changed.

It was time to make a decision.

Could he erase you? Would he be able to live with himself if he does? Or if he doesn’t?

Saeyoung hit the gas, following the directions on his GPS. He was almost to the edge of town, about a block away from his initial destination. He pulled into the lot, placing his car in park before resting his head on the steering wheel, eyes squeezed shut in a poor attempt to keep his emotions at bay when a faint beeping had him looking over to his weekend bag, his hand reaching automatically for whichever cell phone of his that was the noise culprit.

He had a new message, from Jumin Han.

Why would Jumin be texting him, of all people? And now? What he could possibly want?

Saeyoung contemplated not even reading it, debating on how much he cared. He couldn’t quite decide. On one hand, curiosity always got the best of him, on the other hand, he was currently with the love of his life, and fuck that.

Sighing, Saeyoung clicked on the message, eyes widening slowly as he read it, and re-read it, and blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill once more.

“Come back. She needs you.”

An ice cold shiver shot down his spine, his breath catching in his throat. He glanced between the message and the clinic’s sign, a sense of resolve slowly settling over him.

_If Jumin’s saying this… if he feels…_

In that moment, Saeyoung knew he couldn’t give up. He wasn’t done fighting – for you, for your relationship, for your love. You fought for him so many times – all those days in Rika’s apartment, in those moments when he said all those awful things to you in a lame attempt to push you away. He had given you every chance to run away, to give up, to move on. And you kept fighting.

Now it was his turn to fight for you.

He clicked into an app on is phone, quickly pulling up the security feed to C&R International’s penthouse suite. After scanning the cameras and realizing you weren’t there, he quickly tapped into the GPS he had placed on Driver Kim’s car.

Ah, the coffee shop down the road from the penthouse. He should’ve known; it was a favorite of yours, regardless of whose route you were on.

He tapped a small reply before tossing the phone in the vicinity of the bag, and slammed the car into gear, peeling out of the parking lot to head in your direction. His heart was racing so fast he was sure it’d explode, but he couldn’t control it – he had to get to you.

He had to explain.

* * *

 

  
You swallowed once, twice, staring at the man in front of you, your mouth agape.

“Sae-Saeyoung?”

He gave you a saucy smirk in return, winking as he moved to take the chair across from you.

“The one and only. Am I leaving you speechless already?”

You about choked on your latte, finally gaining enough sense to set the cup down and focus on what was unfolding before you.

“I’m just surprised to see you, is all. What are you doing here?”

Saeyoung leaned forward then, forearms on the table, eyes shifting around like he was about to tell you the centuries biggest secret. Finally his amber gaze landed on you, his voice pitched low again.

“I’m here to protect you. Have you looked around? You aren’t hipster enough to be in this café right now, the owner is about to kick you out,”

It took you a moment to realize that he was still joking around, your heart squeezing at the attempt of humor, even in a situation like this. Leave it to Saeyoung to try to make light of something that made you want to throw yourself off a cliff. Despite the turmoil in your gut, the tightness in your throat - you couldn’t help but chuckle. He always did know how to make you laugh.

“God, I missed that smile,” he murmured softly, barely audible above the ambient music and cacophony of noises in the little shop. You started again, swallowing thickly, trying to formulate the words, any words, that could make this better.  Before you can speak, he interrupts you, hands reaching out to grab your own.

“Listen to me,” he inhales a sharp intake of breath before meeting your eyes once more. “I’m not going to give up on you. I’m not going to stop fighting, I’m not going to run. Not anymore, not this time,”

He pauses, thumb smoothing circles on your hand. “There is a part of you that belongs to me, just like there is a part of me that belongs to you. I can’t ignore that, and I refuse to forget it.”

His golden eyes are swimming in unshed tears, pleading with you. You feel your heart beating wildly in your chest, your breathing quickly becoming more labored. Your heart was constricting so tightly you were almost positive it had long since been decreased to liquid heat boiling in your chest.

He was right. Of course he was right.

But what does this mean? What about Jumin?

Saeyoung reads the unasked question in your gaze, answering before you speak. “We’ll figure it out. I don’t know how, quite yet – but we’ll figure it out,”

 A shadow falls over your small table, causing both you and the hacker to look up at the intruder. The sun was shining through the windows behind them, making it difficult to make out features, but it only took you a second to realize who was standing before you, eyeing Saeyoung’s hands clasped with your own.

Jumin.

* * *

 

Jumin signed another document, his writing becoming sloppy in the constant repetition of this particular action. How many had he signed since he’s been here?

Too many.

He could feel a slow ache building behind his eyes, the blood pulsing and lurching and making his head throb. He needed to stop. He couldn’t focus, anyway.

All he could think about was you.

He knew you were happy with him. Even if you hadn’t said as much, Jumin prided himself on being a perceptive man. It was necessary to read body language in order to ensure client compliance, and it was something he excelled at.

Though he would never tire of hearing you say it.

The way you would look at him when you told him you loved him, eyes full of adoration and wonder, like he was something more than just a man – like he was your salvation. It would be burned into his memory even if he lost his sight, even if he lost everything. He would never forget how your lips moved when you said those words.

It was the guilt you carried with you that worried him. It was understandable, given the current situation, and the fact that it hadn’t been very long since you came to him for the weekend. But reason and logic didn’t work on him when you were hurting in front of his eyes.

Jumin sighed, reaching for his phone to scroll through his recent messages. He saw where you had texted him to say you had made it to the café safely, even sending him a selfie with your drink posed in front of you, a tiny grin on your face. He smirked, considering sending one in return before he noticed the new message right above it.

It was from Saeyoung.

He didn’t need to open it. It was short enough he could read it in the preview window, just a singular word: “okay.”

Jumin raked a hand through his hair, his body tensing with anticipation and anxiety. He hadn’t expected Saeyoung to respond, though he had been hoping… but he never thought that it would work, that the stubborn redhead would’ve listened to him.

Maybe they have a chance.

He pressed the intercom button, moving quickly to gather his things and pull on his suit jacket. “Assistant Kang, I’m leaving the office again. Cancel anything you just rescheduled for today. All the documents have been signed and are awaiting you on my desk,”

Clicking the button off before she could reply, he then dialed his security team to arrange a driver.

He needed to go see you. He needed to explain himself.

To you. And to Saeyoung.

* * *

 

Oh, god.

This is the last thing you meant to have Jumin walk in on – you holding hands with your other lover, declaring how he won’t stop fighting for you, after telling him you needed some alone time away from the penthouse.

_He is going to be mad. He is going to be hurt, or try to fight Saeyoung, or hate me, or worse-_

You moved to stand, to reach for the man in front of you and _explain_ , but instead of seeing anger in his eyes, you found softness, a kind smile on his lips.

“It’s okay love, I know. I’m the one who asked him here,”

Jumin took off his suit jacket, folding it properly on the back of the empty chair at the table before sitting, his hand reaching out to lay on top of yours. You all spent a moment in peace, one hand grasped with Saeyoung’s, the other interlaced with Jumin’s, your heart shattering and floating towards both men. Looking into each of their eyes, you knew you were too far entangled, in way too deep to every be able to truly walk away.

Jumin is the first to break the silence.

“Together.”

You’re not sure who looks more flabbergasted – you, or Saeyoung – but both of you stare at the dark haired man, unsure of what he was saying, or what he was trying to say. You tilt your head, nose scrunched in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“When I walked in, Saeyoung was saying that we would figure it out. And we will, all of us, collectively, **_together_**.” His eyes were bright and dancing, the confident smirk returning to his face as he glanced back and forth between you both.

Was he asking…. Could you…? Would it even work?

Together? All of you?

Saeyoung recovers quickly, leaning back in his chair before laughing loudly, the sound echoing off the walls. His fingers finally rise to swipe away an errant tear from under his glasses. “Oh man, Jumin. You never cease to surprise me,”

He leans forward again, the laughter gone but the amusement still evident in his amber eyes. He looks at the other man, searching for something in his gaze – something that he must find, because he nods once, before looking back to you with one red eyebrow raised.

“So what do you say, babe? Think you can handle both of us?”

You must have died. This is the only explanation for this to be happening, for both of the men that you love more than life itself to be sitting in front of you, willing to sacrifice everything they know to be with you – to make you happy. To share you between them, to not make you choose. To give your soul the chance to be whole again.

It had to be a dream, but if it was, it was one that you never wanted to wake from.

You squeeze both of their hands, not needing to think about your answer. You knew the answer all along.

“Let’s do this. Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then I see your face  
> I know I'm finally yours  
> I find everything I thought I lost before  
> You call my name  
>  _I come to you in pieces_  
>  So you can make me whole.
> 
> ~
> 
> Okay, so I know some of you called it early on, but this is essentially what I liked to imagine happened at the end of Unravel Me. Jumin goes to fight for you, but Saeyoung doesn't let go either, and you end up coming to an understanding, of sorts. With this, I wanted to try to show what that conversation would've looked like.
> 
> In my head, and in my heart, these three were always meant to be together.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed. Writing this broke me and hurt my heart more than words can say, but this ending from the moment I wrote it on my outline has always been the light at the end of the tunnel for me. <3


End file.
